Silent Scars (Surviving #4) Read online

  “Pretty cool that they had each other.”

  I faced him, to see if he was being sincere. “Yeah. It’s a little strange.”

  “What they have is mutual love and respect, nothing weird about that. They want to make one another happy; they have a lovely daughter. If you’re all happy, then what does it matter if it isn’t conformist? Most conventional families are fucked up beyond repair.” His jaw locked so tight I flinched.

  “What about your family?”

  “My brothers are the best.”

  “What about your parents? Do they live here, or are they still in the States?” I smiled up at him, but the muscle twitching in his jaw and the tightening of his fist by his sides warned me I had crossed some invisible line. “I’m sorry, that was maybe too personal.”

  “My birth parents are dead.”

  I gasped. What a total idiot I was. I reached out and touched his elbow. “I’m so sorry.” He pulled away abruptly as if I burned his skin.

  “Nothing to be sorry for. They weren’t people to miss.” The blunt delivery of his words halted me. I stopped walking and stared at his back as he continued up the lane.

  I looked past the canopy of trees blocking the strong rays of sun, to the man ahead of me. His shoulders were tense, but other than that, he seemed relaxed and totally at ease. I jogged to catch up to him, and maybe took three strides before I tripped over a raised tree root and stumbled again. This time I knew I was going down. I held my hands out in front, bracing for impact.

  Two massive hands gripped my shoulders, hauling me towards the solid wall of man. I huffed out a breath as my breasts connected to his chest. He grunted with the impact. I inhaled a quick breath, taking in his deep masculine scent. His grip on my shoulders tightened before he ripped me away from him and took a step back, as if being close would cause him to catch some disease.

  “Be more careful. That’s twice you’ve lost your footing.” His pale blue eyes burned his words into me before he motioned for me to proceed him. I lowered my gaze, but involuntarily glanced up through my lashes to watch him.

  “You may have better luck not hitting the floor if you keep your eyes on where you are heading,” he deadpanned. There was no flirtatious teasing. I cleared my throat, pushed my glasses up my nose, and trained my eyes on the path ahead. All the while I was aware of him behind me. His footfalls eerily silent, he was like a ghost floating behind me.

  “How do you do that?” I asked without turning to look at him.

  “Do what?”

  I startled when he was suddenly beside me.

  “That!” I screeched. “You mister, are huge. How the hell do you not make any sound when you walk? I’m half your size, and it’s like a pack of elephants are walking through the woods.”

  He turned his head away from me, but I caught the amused curl at the corner of his mouth. “Habit, I guess. For years I didn’t exist. My job was to be unseen, unheard, get in get out. What was underfoot could end your life. I learned to be aware of where I stepped. It was either that or die. Men relied on me not to die. So I didn’t.”

  I was staring at him, mouth open, so I snapped it shut. “What’s it like being a soldier?”

  Ryan paused to stare at me. “I am not a soldier.”

  “But I thought you were in the Army?” I was certain Dad had said so.

  “I’m a Marine. They are not soldiers, and we are not in the Army.”

  “I apologise. I was just thinking Universal Soldier, you know Jean Claude...I’ll shut up.” I quieted when those piercing eyes fixed me with a steely glare. Maybe that’s the military’s secret weapon. Send grumpy pants in to stare them to death.

  “Do you miss it?” I croaked, unable to keep quiet. I never chattered along this much, but he was making me nervous. His shoulders stiffened.

  “Do I miss it? What part? Getting shot at? Having my life in peril? Watching my friends die? The heat? The scared women and children begging for me to save them? Not seeing my family? Coming home to no greeting? Which part Aloura?” he snapped.

  I sucked in a breath. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to cry or slap him for making me feel like such an idiot. I continued walking. An awkward silence festered between us.

  “I asked because you seem so angry to be here,” I bristled.

  “With all due respect, you don’t know me. We’ve known each other for what,” he said, glancing at his watch, “thirty-seven minutes. I hardly think that constitutes an intimate acquaintance.”

  “You’re eyes speak for you. Mr I’m-so-far-up-my-own-backside-I’m-on-intimate-terms-with-my-colon,” I said in one breath. I faced him, with my hands on my hips, and glared at the arrogant shit. “Even when you smile, you look sad. That’s why I asked. It’s like you’re missing something.” I lifted my chin in defiance before turning away and heading towards my sanctuary. I may have to ask Dad to speak to Will about replacing the conceited man.

  “My house is through that clearing. Let’s get this over with,” I snapped. I whistled for Hercules to come out of the trees and strode ahead.

  Pride swelled in my chest as I opened the door to my house. When Dad agreed to the idea of me converting the stables into living accommodation, he also gave me free rein of how to design the place. For weeks I sat with the architect and listened to her ideas and explained what I envisioned. My home turned out perfect. We entered through the front door, the space was completely open. The boarding on the ceiling had been removed so the rafters showed. Skylights had been fitted to allow more light into the space, but it wasn’t necessary as there was a full wall of Velux retractable doors, which opened fully to make it seem like the back of the house belonged to the garden.

  The vaulted ceiling in the open plan lounge and kitchen made it feel so light and airy. I had it painted a super pale lemon, with white-wash wood. The kitchen units were white, so the entire space was bright and clean. To contrast the pale colours, my kitchen work surfaces were black granite, and my floors deep cherry wood.

  Hercules scampered across the floor to his bowl and jumped around as he waited for his food. I giggled and headed over to him.

  “Two secs, I will feed him then give you a tour.” When Ryan didn’t answer, I glanced over my shoulder. He was gazing up at the ceiling, his mouth slightly parted.

  “It seems bright, like we haven’t even come inside.” His words were quiet, but I heard them. He wandered to the glass wall of doors. “Do these open?”

  My lips curled happily. I reached over the counter to the control panel on the wall, and the door folded into a concertina, bringing the outside in. You could also open them manually without having to fold all of them.

  “Cool.” He chuckled, and he stepped forward so he was on the border of the house and the garden. He sucked in a deep breath.

  “You do that a lot.” I grinned, filling Hercules bowl.

  “What’s that?”

  “Take in deep breaths, as if you haven’t been outside for a long time.”

  His cheeks reddened, but he quickly averted his gaze. “I suppose in some respects I haven’t. I love the smell of the trees and whatever that other smell is.”

  “It’s wild garlic. Not everyone can stomach it.”

  “It’s fresh.”

  I bobbed my head. “Would you like to see the rest of the house? You haven’t seen the best yet,” I said hopefully, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

  “Close the door, and let’s go.” He stood watching the glass slide into place before checking it was secure. I motioned for him to follow me through the kitchen to the door in the centre of the far wall.

  “This is my library.” I beamed. It wasn’t a huge room by any means, but the height allowed for a mezzanine balcony. In the far corner was a spiral staircase giving access to the shelves around the balcony, and on this lower floor was a small cubby sitting area. I also had on the outer wall a real wood burning stove fire place, so on cold nights I could sit in here instead of the lounge, and lose myself in a good book.
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br />   I glanced at Ryan. He looked over his shoulder at the kitchen-lounge area and then back. “What a complete difference.”

  I grinned wildly, because yeah, in here was a total contrast to the pastels next door. Dark mahogany wood shelving, black wrought iron staircase, and the single chair was brown leather with matching stool. A few throw blankets over the chair back for when it became chilly. The large windows sat low, so the sills were at sitting height. I had a few cushions on one, but they hadn’t been used.

  He stepped further in the room and tilted his head to check out the balcony. All four walls were lined with book cases, completely full.

  “It’s cooler in here too,” he mused, glancing around at all the books.

  “It’s temperature controlled. I have some books up there that are first editions. Dad insisted if I removed them from his library, the temp control needed to be installed. Mum wasn’t impressed I was allowed to remove them,” I rambled, feeling suddenly nervous.

  “Have you read all of these?”

  “That shelf on the back wall contains my unread books.” I tracked his line of vision and tried to see it from his point of view. “Would you...” I paused, suddenly self-conscious.

  “What?”

  “I haven’t shown you my favourite room yet.” My voice trembled with excitement.

  “Lead the way.” He faced me and motioned to walk ahead of him.

  I closed the door quietly behind me and watched as she practically skipped across the floor. Her hair was still precariously holding in that bun type knot, but with each giddy step, more hair worked its way loose. She had the blackest hair I had ever seen. It was more prominent because her skin was so pale. She clapped her hands in front of her, face with the brightest smile. She walked back through the lounge and into the kitchen to a door nestled into the wall I mistook it for wooden cladding.

  “I never noticed this here.” I was a little annoyed I hadn’t. I yanked my cap down when she regarded me too long. I wasn’t sure if the thing rose up. Didn’t want to freak her out.

  “It was designed that way. From the front entrance you don’t realise this part of the house exists. Because it bends in an ‘L’ shape to the back, when you walk in you just see this.” She motioned to the long gallery of a room. “But in here is my special little annex. It isn’t as fancy as Dad’s but still.”

  She opened the door and flicked on a light. Bouncing on the balls of her feet, she held her hands in front of her. My lips twitched, and I fought against the smile wanting to break out. She had an innocence about her that both terrified me and intrigued me. I forced my eyes away and glanced around the room. It was simple, three white walls and one running the entire length was windows. There was a black piano in the corner and behind that a bookshelf with rows upon rows of CD cases. In each corner of the room was a small speaker. It was a rather large room to house one piano.

  “It’s a music room.”

  “Yeah,” she said, glancing around like she just uncovered the lost city of Atlantis. “It isn’t sound proofed like Dad’s, but I won’t play too late.”

  “Your house, sweetheart, I’m a ghost remember.” I snorted.

  “Please, stop saying that. It’s like you’re saying you don’t exist in the world.”

  “Sometimes I don’t believe I do.” What the fuck? I straightened my spine, pulled my shoulders back, and prepared for the barrage of questions. Women liked that mushy shit, delving into your inner thoughts, playing with your emotions.

  “Hmm.”She huffed and turned away, heading to her piano, and slowly caressed the keys. It was an oddly intimate moment.

  I stopped myself from asking what that little noise meant, but that would invite more questions I would refuse to answer. “I don’t want anyone inside my head, Aloura. Ever” I stepped towards her. She held my gaze, silently probing me. I could see curiosity fighting her. But her lips remained tightly shut. She bobbed her head, those doe eyes reflected a little sadness. But she blinked, and in an instant it was gone.

  “Are you,” I said, lifting my hand and pointed at her piano. “Are you any good?”

  Her dainty shoulders lifted shyly. “It’s more for show.”

  “Would you play something?” Seemed like the gentlemanly thing to ask I guess.

  Her fingers snapped away from the keys as if she’d been electrocuted. She blinked at me and fisted her hands beside her.

  “I don’t play well...it’s for personal...” Her tiny hands balled into fists. “I never play for people.”

  I stared at her for a moment, her pale cheeks coloured with a rosy hue of embarrassment. I shrugged my shoulders and turned to leave the room. It didn’t matter to me if she played or not. I was nothing more than an employee.

  ***

  “How do you think it went?” Will asked from beside me. I heard the nervous twitch in his voice over the rumble of the truck engine.

  “Pretty well, I’d say.”

  “So you’re happy with it?”

  “Will, I signed the man’s contract. Yes I am happy to take the job. After hearing everything, I really do think she needs someone watching her back.”

  “She seemed nice.” Oh Jesus! My brother truly had turned into a girl since I’d been gone. I heard the hidden meaning behind his words. But he could forget it. That shit wasn’t happening.

  “She was,” I said, and then switched topics quickly. “Am I okay to get Izzy from school and you spend some time with my sis-in-law? I can take her to Jo’s for a few hours, give you two sometime alone and then bring her home before I head to Aloura’s. The tech guys should be finished by then.”

  “Yeah, all sounds good.”

  “I also note, little brother, you didn’t dispute me calling her my sister-in-law,” I joked, glancing at him from the corner of my eyes.

  “I think we both know I want to marry her.”

  “So?” At his silence I turned and faced him. “Why not ask her already?”

  His hands strangled the steering wheel, gripping it so tightly the leather creaked. “Because I need to think of the perfect –”

  “She isn’t Marissa. Emily she doesn’t need all that shit. What’s this really about?”

  “I don’t think my heart could take it if she said no,” he mumbled. His first wife was a total bitch who demanded the most ridiculously corny proposal known to man. Three times I believed the guy proposed before she agreed, and then she cheated on him.

  “She isn’t going to say no. Where’s the ring?”

  “What?”

  “I know you man. You’ve had it for weeks if not months until you grow some balls to ask her.”

  “I haven’t had it that long,” he huffed. His ears turned pink, and I wanted to howl with laughter.

  “How long?”

  He blew out a harassed breath but stayed silent. His jawed ticked. I was pissing him off.

  “How long Willy boy?” I chuckled.

  “Fuck off,” he spat. I waited, staring at his profile.

  “I spoke to Mom’s jeweller when Jo and I were over there after seeing you in the hospital.”

  His words stabbed straight into my gut at the reminder my family had to see my fucked up body.

  “A year. You’ve had an engagement ring for a year. Christ, Will.”

  “It needs to be perfect, damn it.”

  “Where is it?”

  “In the safe at the office.”

  “You are showing me, and then we are talking about your lack of fucking balls, my man.”

  Less than twenty minutes later, I was letting out a whistle when I opened the black velvet box. Will watched me, his hands in his pockets, tension in his jaw.

  “It’s platinum.” He pointed at the band.

  “It’s unusual,” I stated. It wasn’t at all what I expected. He picked a solitaire clear diamond for Marissa. Jo had gone with diamonds too for Lou.

  “What does that mean? Have I fucked up?” His hands went into his hair, and he looked utterly broken. I stared
down at the ring in awe. In the centre was a heart-shaped brown diamond, with three tiny jewels encasing it. On the band on both sides were small emeralds and sapphires. This ring cost him thousands. I glanced up at my brother, a little shocked.

  “She always says my eyes remind her of emeralds.” He pointed to the tiny emeralds. “Hers are blue; that’s the sapphires. And Izzy’s are brown. She’s our heart so that’s why the brown diamond is front and centre and cut into a heart. I know it isn’t your typical engagement ring. Do you think it’s dumb? The colours are wrong aren’t they? I should have just gotten her the usual diamond. She’s going to think this is tacky.”

  “Will, bro, calm down. I think you have your perfect setting. This ring is all she needs. Apart from the fact she may kick you in the ass for the colossal amount you’ve spent. You have included her baby girl in a ring. Tell her what you told me, and I swear after she stops bawling, she’ll say yes.” I cleared my throat. “Even I can feel ovaries growing I'm so emotional.”

  I threw my head back and guffawed when he reached out and snatched the box from my hands. He muttered a curse I’m sure was some insult to my balls.

  “I can’t wait for the roles to be reversed, dickhead. You wait until your time comes,” he joked, but it landed like a lead balloon.

  “Never happen.” I grinned.

  “You say that.”

  “The main rule in a relationship is honesty.” I laughed, but even to my ears it sounded bitter. “Can you really see a woman wanting me? I'm not too bad on the eyes, but in here.” I tapped my temple. “It’s fucking ugly. No one wants that. When I bleed, I expect my veins to ooze black shit, not red. There is no redemption for people like me.”