Silent Scars (Surviving #4) Read online

  “You talk like you committed the foul, Ry.”

  “I chose the fucked up shit I did. I wasn’t forced. I volunteered.” I lifted my hands to my face and pushed the heels into my eyes, trying to force the images away. I hadn’t admitted that to anyone before. I jerked away when a larger hand tugged on my arm. I glared at Will as he held his hands up in surrender.

  “I ain’t going to hurt you. But what you believe, and what is reality, is seriously warped. You chose nothing. You were a kid.”

  “I can’t do this.” I was bleeding words, exposing my darkness. I glanced around the room, searching for something to help me. “I’m going to pick Izzy up, take her to Jo’s. I’ll give you and Em a couple of hours before I bring her back.”

  “Ry –”

  “I appreciate you trying, Will, I really do. But sometimes a lost cause needs to be acknowledged.”

  “And when I find one, I’ll let it go. But my brother is worth saving, damn it.”

  “What does it tell you when even God rejects me?” I offered him a weak smile and turned to leave.

  “What?”

  I left without answering because it was obvious. I wanted to die, and I wasn’t even granted that peace.

  ***

  I scanned the playground, watching the other parents waiting for their kids to explode out of the doors. The chattering moms and bored looking dads. Izzy recently moved schools. She was now attending a mainstream school, which up until recently she loved because her best friend, Ellie, came here, and Jo’s soon to be wife was a teacher.

  The doors opened, and the ankle biters flooded the playground. I spotted Izzy and waved. Her teacher beckoned me over while she held onto Izzy’s hand. The kid was so excited she was bouncing on her feet.

  “Ryan!” she gasped. I cradled her against my chest as she pulled the edges of my cap down and cupped her little hands on my cheeks. “You surprised me.”

  “Mr...”

  “Dermont.” I frowned at the teacher.

  “Could you tell her mum and dad that we have added Izzy to the school summer festival programme? The choir was formed before Izzy came to this school, but we have discovered she is quite the talented little singer.” She beamed at Izzy, who was smiling so wide my heart squeezed with joy.

  “Will do.”

  “Thank you. See you tomorrow, little miss.”

  Izzy waved at the teacher and turned to me. “I’m in the festival.”

  “I heard.” I widened my eyes in mock surprise.

  “All my friends were in it, but not me. But now I am,” she boasted. It finally dawned on me why she had been so unhappy. Poor kid. I hugged her against my chest.

  “I missed you, kiddo.”

  “Missed you more,” she said, rubbing my nose with hers. “Did you bring me sweets?” The kid was obsessed with candy.

  “I thought maybe we could go for something to eat. Let your mom and Will have some time.”

  “Kissy time.” She giggled. I tickled her sides making her squeal.

  “Yes, kissy time. Where do you want to go? We could grab a salad and go to the park?”

  Her button nose scrunched in distaste like I knew it would. “We could go to the cinema, Frozen is still on for Movies for Juniors.”

  I rolled my eyes and groaned.

  “They have your favourite popcorn,” she argued holding my face to look at her. I hated popcorn, but she always got so excited at the concession stands.

  “We eat first, then cinema and popcorn. Your mom will kick my ass.”

  “Oh, you said a bad word.”

  “Sorry.”

  “I won’t tell if you get sweets too.” She curled her lips in a hopeful grin.

  “Unbelievable.” I pulled her to me and hugged the little squirt. My brother’s negotiation skills were rubbing off on the kid.

  A few hours later, with bleeding ears after hearing that God forsaken song for the billionth time, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

  Will: She said yes! Can you bring Izzy home?

  Me: On my way. Congrats

  My lips curved into a grin. My chest warmed. Nothing was taking Emily away from him. The moment I set eyes on them together I knew he had found the woman to complete him. She didn’t want to change him. Jo found the exact same in Lou, and I adored both women for it.

  We made it back to their house in record time. Izzy ran up to the door and it opened before she knocked. Her mom was standing there with tears in her eyes.

  “Izzy,” she cried and squat down to take her daughter in her arms. Izzy regarded her mom with a concerned frown as tears of joy rolled down Em’s cheeks. Will came into view and scooped them both from the floor.

  Shaking my head, I followed them into the house. Izzy sat on her mom’s lap, holding her hand and chattering about the ring. I stood beside Will and slapped him on the back.

  “Congratulations, man.”

  “Thanks,” he said, smiling over at the girls on the couch.

  “You happy now?” I joked, nudging him with my elbow.

  “Almost,” he muttered, and before I could ask what he meant, he stepped towards Emily and Izzy. I watched as he knelt in front of them. He pressed a kiss to Emily’s lips before taking a hold of Izzy’s tiny hand in his.

  “Is it okay with you, if I marry your mom?” he asked softly. I watched as he waited for her to answer. A huge grin brightened her face, and she bobbed her head so fast I was sure it would fall off her tiny shoulders. Will shifted, pulling something from his pocket. He held out another black velvet box, similar to the one that held Emily’s ring, and opened it.

  “I got you this because I’m not only asking to marry your momma. This is your family Izzy and you are the centre of that. I’m not asking to replace your dad. What I am asking is to stand beside him, to be a man who loves you, who protects you and provides for you. But most of all I want to be a man you can be proud to say is a part of your life.” He pulled out a tiny silver band. Emily had tears streaming down her face. Izzy watched as he placed the ring on her finger. “You’re all I could ever wish for in a daughter, Izzy.” Emily let out a small cry and covered her mouth. I stared at this tender moment, feeling emotion claw at my chest. Will cleared his throat and waited as Izzy stared at her hand.

  “It’s so pretty,” she said softly. Emily stared into Will’s eyes. My stomach bottomed out. I was intruding on their private family moment. Silently I stepped out of the room and left the house as quietly as I could.

  I sucked in a breath of air. My gut twisted with the knowledge I would never have that quiet peace, those tender moments of knowing you were completely owned, body and soul, by someone else.

  I pulled up to the gate and entered the pass code Graham gave me. I followed the long driveway past the house and straight up to Aloura’s home. Jim, the tech guy, was sitting in his black van, and as soon as he spotted my car, he opened his door and jumped out. I parked beside the house, cut the engine, and grabbed my bag.

  “Alright.” He lifted his chin in greeting and held out his hand for me to shake. “The cameras are set up. The young lass said to put the monitors in your room so it’s all set up in there. Tomorrow we’re installing a new gate and coded panel. That thing down there won’t stop shit.” He glanced at a clipboard and read some info from the sheet. I lifted my head to try and sight the placement of the cameras, but as usual the guys had done a perfect job of hiding them.

  “I think her dad wanted a word, something about a package that was delivered to his office. He called Will. Did he call you?”

  “No. What package?”

  “Dunno, bud.” He shrugged. I clenched my jaw, hating only having half the information. I pulled out my cell ready to text Will, then I remembered. I would give him tonight with his family.

  “Where’s Aloura?”

  “In the music room with her chap. I sat in the van because it was getting a little x-rated.” Jim grinned lasciviously, and I had the sudden urge to wipe the smugness clean from his face w
ith my fist.

  “Anything else?” I snapped. He glanced at the closed door, interest sparking his eyes. If he had any idea he was annoying me, he was brilliant at hiding it.

  “She’s a hot little piece. The way her body moves. Fuck me, I bet she’s fantastic in the sack. Very flexible, if you know what I mean.” The dickhead had the nerve to wink at me.

  “Show some damn respect. She’s your boss.”

  “I like a dominant woman.”

  I stepped forward. My height and the extra fifty pounds I had on him became abundantly clear. His eyes bugged before he schooled his expression. The fucker was seriously contemplating taking me on. His lips curled, and he patted me on the shoulder before holding his hands up in a placating surrender. Why did every company have that one asshole that had the ability to ruin your entire day?

  “Sorry, bud, not wanting to step on any toes. You already made the claim – have at it. Don’t blame you.”

  “You need to leave. Now.” My pulse throbbed at my temple, a haze of utter rage misted into my vision.

  The fucker chuckled. He turned away from me, but I caught his words. “Uptight prick.”

  I clenched my fists at my sides so damn hard I would have nail marks in my palms. Don’t get me wrong, I was no virginal choir boy, but if you wanted in a woman’s pants, you showed her some Goddamn respect. I’d been used, fucked, and left in pain by likeminded bastards, and I refused to play any part of the same. I lifted my hands and tugged hard on my cap. The noises, the endless voices. I could feel them pumping through my veins, screaming to be heard. My ears buzzed, my pulse pounded, sweat beaded on my brow, and my palms were clammy. I staggered, reaching out to steady myself against my car. This shit couldn’t keep happening. I needed to get a handle on it, but my head forced me into a corner of fucked up images and thoughts.

  The metal of the car was cool against my skin, the roar of the car engine as the dickwad left the only sound in the silent evening. My heart was racing so fast I gripped at my chest, my stomach twisted painfully. I banged my fists against the roof of the truck as my gut spasmed again.

  Men, lots of men...

  I sucked in a breath through my teeth, hissing at the sting of my nails piercing the skin on my palms. I closed my eyes tightly and battled against the images swarming my vision.

  Hands everywhere, mouths, touching...so much touching...

  A sound echoed into the peaceful air, and I realised I had growled.

  “Ryan?”

  I banged my forehead against the roof of the car, trying to get those images out. The sounds, the smells…

  A hand grabbed my shoulder, and I spun round with my fist raised. My eyes wide, my pulse pounding, my fist was shaking as I glared at the man in front of me.

  “Whoa. Relax,” Graham said, but I noted the defensive stance he assumed. I dropped my chin and glared at him though my lashes.

  “Why the fuck did you touch me?”

  “You looked in pain. I shouted but you didn’t answer,” he snapped. Graham was a wiry guy. Easily six feet tall, but much smaller in build than I was. “Don’t touch me.” I panted.

  “Lower your fist, Ryan.”

  I turned my head and looked at my raised fist like it wasn’t a part of my body. My muscles were coiled so tight I wasn’t sure if I could move.

  “You on drugs?”

  My attention snapped to him, clarity hitting me like a freight train. “No, sir.” For some fucked up reason I straightened my posture and clacked my heels together like my fucking Sergeant Major was here.

  “Steroids –“

  “Never taken that shit. I’m big because I work hard. I live in the gym.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Nothing else needed my time. Until now.”

  He bobbed his head, his assessing gaze was terrifying, like he could see inside me. I respected the man for not backing down.

  “You’re a big man, with a lot of angry energy.”

  “With all due respect, you know nothing about me.”

  “You had a traumatic past as a child, placed with a temporary family while your brothers were put in care. You were in the military sixteen years before being discharged. You’ve seen a lot.”

  “How the fuck do you know that?”

  “You’re here to protect my daughter. I had a right to know.”

  “You had no right.”

  “I refuse to put Aloura in harm’s way. I do my homework.”

  The fucking bastard had me there. I hated he knew my sordid past, but I had to respect a man that would go to those lengths to protect his child.

  The door to Aloura’s house opened. Her laughter floated over me like a soothing balm. And the rat came scampering out to fuss around Graham’s legs. I turned my head to look over at her and nearly fell to my knees. She was sweaty, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

  “Hey.” She grinned at her dad, then used the same gorgeous smile on me. Her bun was messy, like she had been rolling around in bed. Her cheeks were ruddy, and she had a sexy glow about her. She placed her delicate hands on her hip and bent forward as if stretching her back and leg muscles. Her sweatpants hung loose on her legs, hiding what I knew had to be long toned legs. Her pale pink shirt hugged her delicious curves like a second skin and didn’t quite meet the top of her pants, leaving about an inch of bare skin. That’s when I noticed the tattooed hand wrapped around her middle, right over that naked sliver of skin.

  I snapped my attention to the guy whispering in her ear and making her laugh. He grinned at her when she elbowed him in the stomach. Bare stomach, because the asshole was topless and covered in ink.

  “Well, I would love to stay and chat, but I have a business to run. Although all I want to do is go home and sleep since she tried to kill me with that particular workout.” The guy pulled his button down over his arms and fastened the buttons as he leaned over and pecked Aloura on the cheek. With each button he turned from tattooed cocky bastard to business man. I noticed ink peeking out of the top of his shirt, going up his neck. His hair was dark brown, but currently messy and glistening with sweat. He hopped down the steps, still fastening his shirt, and held his hand out to Graham. The other man took it and pulled him in for a hug. Graham patted him on the back, smiling happily.

  “I see the muscle finally arrived,” the tattooed guy joked to Graham. That’s when cocky bastard turned to me. His grey button down was fastened all but the top. He slowly rolled his sleeves up.

  “I’m Harry.” He nodded his head, but offered no more. Harry Cocky Bastard - had a certain ring to it. Although Harry as a name didn’t quite suit the hard exterior.

  “The muscle.” I deadpanned. He barked out a laugh, casting a glance over his shoulder to Aloura. “Bye babe, go soak your muscles. I’ll work you over again tomorrow.” He grinned at her when she wrinkled her nose in disgust. He laughed again and headed towards the side of the house to the garage. A few moments later a roar of an engine and then a sleek black Porsche pulled around the corner. I lifted my brow, because seriously? What a cliché.

  I picked up my bag and headed towards the house, but Graham stepped in my path. “We didn’t finish our discussion.”

  “Problem?” Aloura asked as she came towards us. She hugged her arms around herself, and I had the urge to take off my hoody and wrap her up in it.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart. I don’t think Ryan will be a good fit here is all.”

  “Why?”

  “Your dad doesn’t think you will be safe with me. Thinks my head is too messed up. War does that to a man. But I have never, nor will I ever, intentionally cause harm to another living thing.”

  “He stays, Dad. You send Ryan away, and this joke is over. I don’t want a bodyguard. It’s pretentious and stupid. I’m doing it to appease you and Mum. But I am not sending this man away.”

  “Aloura.”

  “Graham, I love you, but you need to calm down and let the man do his job,” a voice called from the doorway. My attention snapped in that direction, finding Alo
ura’s mom scowling down at Graham. Christ, had she been fucking the cocky bastard while her mom was in her home?

  Aloura turned, dismissing her dad, and grinned victoriously up at her mom.

  “I’m hungry. I’m going inside to make Ryan and me some dinner. Are you joining us?” She asked her parents. When she entered the house, she pressed a remote and music blasted out, making her dad grimace.

  “Oh Lord no. When you start listening to music and not eardrum splitting noise, then maybe I will.”

  “Aloura, you know he’s getting on in years. He needs to be tucked up in bed by seven with cocoa and his copy of Chemistry World,” Sally quipped, kissing her daughter on the cheek before heading towards Graham. She linked her arm through his and tugged him away. “Take care of my baby girl, Ryan.”

  Aloura grinned triumphantly and waved at them. Graham huffed out a breath, shaking his head. “Seems I have been dismissed.” He turned to me; the look in his eyes conveyed a thousand thoughts. All equating to one thing: hurt my daughter, and I will kill you.

  “I swear she is safe with me,” I said quietly, but with an honesty I hoped he understood.

  They turned and walked away. I followed Aloura into the house, vowing to keep my promise to her dad.

  As we entered, she pointed a remote towards a box on the wall, and the music shut off.

  “It would have been nice to know you had a boyfriend. Keeping track of the situation is essential.” I dropped my bag near her row of colourful chucks and slid my boots off, seeing as she removed her shoes when she came in.

  She turned to stare at me. “I’m sure when I have one, I will tell you.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “Friends with benefits then, whatever you want to call him.” I huffed. My tone was terse, and I had no right to be such a prick about this.

  “I assume you’re talking about Harry?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay firstly, that is disgusting. The man is a total whorebag. Secondly, what the hell gave the impression we were together?” She wandered into the kitchen, shaking her head. Loose tendrils of hair slid against her neck.